Did you play? It sounded very good.Back to the Net.Humor Archives
I never say what I mean but I always manage to say something similar.
Percussion, a little louder.
Percussion: We don't have anything.
That's right. Play it louder.
As pp as possible - even softer.
That C major chord is always out of tune. I don't know why - it can't be you.
Let me explain what I do here - I don't want to confuse you more than absolutely necessary.
That's the way Stravinsky was - bup bup bup. The poor guy's dead now - play it legato.
To William Smith: Did you play?
William Smith: Yes.
I know - I heard you.
We can't hear to balance it yet because the soloist is still on the airplane.
I think one thing and say the other.
It's as hot as hell can be.
Start at B. No - Yes - No - Yes - No.
Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa.
Watch me closely - only one can spoil it.
Accelerando means in tempo. Don't rush.
It's so legato it's difficult to splice - Sibelius was famous for that. .
I can see none of you are smugglers. That's why it's so loud.
Tonight is the night 500 years ago Johann Sebastion Bach was born. That's why this year is so important.
I conduct faster so you can see my beat.
The next movement is still in the factory.
Think of your girlfriend or your boyfriend or whoever you want to.
Every concert I've sensed a certain insecurity about the tempo. It's clearly marked quarter-note equals 80, uh, 69.
All of you are ready to start so I must be ready.
It's not important. It's only important when it's late.
I always feel I do it slow, but others do it faster.
Chorus, I am sorry you have to stand so long, but you can stand again.
I will beat in six because of the distance.
It's all very well to have principals, but, when it comes to money, you have to be flexible.
In reference to William Kapell's death: Death is an awful thing. I don't believe in it.
To the 3rd horn player: When you have those dark glasses on, I can't tell whether you're looking at me or doubling.
Bizet was a young man when he composed this symphony - play it softly.
Start three bars before something.
Write it down in your own handwriting.
To the horns: The trouble with you is not with you - it's with me. I have to catch him and then it's too late.
Put a cross around it.
That was very, it could be louder.
Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it approximately.
We do not know when he is coming, he is coming tomorrow.
Someone came too sooner.
After one performance, it will be perfect.
My bowings are only general.
After two minutes after this time, and I am already here.
This is the bar you should take home.
Beauty is less important than quality.
There is a number missing. I can see it.
That was perfect. It was just the opposite from what I said yesterday.
Please follow me because I have to follow him and he isn't here.
I need one more bass less.
Yes, the mutes are on already. You took them off in the beginning.
I am glad you asked me, or am.
You know me. I am a maniac when it comes to rhythm.
I forgive you for shaving yourself.
There is a shadow on every page.
You know who you are.
To the woodwinds: There are no woodwinds at number 6.
Woodwinds: We're at number 15.
I know it. That is why.
Who's sitting in that empty chair?
Now we will play something we never played before as an encore. I didn't mean that. Mahler wrote it as the 3rd movement of his symphony. I mean the 4th movement of his 1st symphony - we will play it third. The trumpet solo will be played by our solo trumpet player. It's named "Blumine" which has something to do with flowers.
With us tonight is William Warfield who is with us tonight.
______________ is a wonderful man and so is his wife.
On the occasion of the death of David Oistrakh: I told him he'd have a heart attack a year ago but unfortunately he lived a year longer.
Something went wrong. It was correct when I studied it.
There has been confusion since I stood here 35 years ago.
He told me two years ago in a letter.
We'll see in a minute right away.
During the rests - pray.
Don't make too much of it - you might get lost.
It has no rhythm, but it will because it's so much faster.
Don't play louder, just give more.
I don't get into politics, general or musical, but just call me if you get jury duty. Even in Jersey I was able to help somebody.
More basses because you are so far away.
Relax, don't get nervous. My God, it's the Philadelphia Orchestra.
You're looking at me strangely.
I purposely didn't do anything and you were all behind.
It can be either to soon or too late or not together.
I go forward in tempo.
I can conduct it better that I count.
Intonation is important, especially when it is cold.
It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect.
Don't ever follow me because I am difficult.
I purposely gave you a slower tempo because I did not know what the right one was.
Suddenly I was in the right tempo, but it wasn't
Brass, stay down all summer.
That's the way it was every time I studied it.
Serken was so sick he almost died for three days.
We have to play it longer because there are no numbers or letters.
Thank you for your cooperation and vise versa.
Don't think you are looking at me, because you are not.
I mean what I meant.
I don't mean to make you nervous, but unfortunately I have to.
Even when you are not playing, you are holding me back.
None of you told me I was too slow - I knew I was too slow - why didn't you tell me?
He was listening, so I don't remember.
I know this music from memory, not from the music.
It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but is harder that it is
It's marked accelerando, so you push ahead!
Question: Is that a G or a G#, Maestro?
Question: Is there an upbeat before I come in at letter B?
Answer: We're fine.
Maestro, there's a terrible draft on stage.
Yes, yes, I saw it.
Even when you're not playing, you're behind my beat.
Before walking on stage: is there an audience here?
Tonight I'm going to listen with my ears.
Muti is going to do the Alpine Symphony this year. He will do it very well because it is not very well known.
I will only stop when I have to.
The moment you slow down, you are behind.
You notice I go faster and slower, faster and slower. It is all in relation to the previous tempo.
The tempo remains pp.