Net.Humor Archive - Flight Fixes

Here are some actual maintenance complaints 
submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies 
from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are 
problem listings that pilots generally leave for 
maintenance crews to fix before next flight.
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs 
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough, 
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 
	propellers lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear 
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 
	200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick 
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief 
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" 
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

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